It has been a while so much has gone on since my last time on here so I will start out with my mom coming to visit. My mom and Bob and grandma came to visit us for a week. They planned to stay @ our house in their motor home and then go gold mining while they were up here. The same weekend that they were coming I have my last two wisdom teeth removed. It involved getting put under and alot of inappropriate comments once I came to! So I was in unbealieveable pain when my mom arrived but I was so glad that she was there I actually fell asleep with my head in her lap like a I did when I was little. We had a great time! They went Trick-or-Treating with the boys, helped Jared and I paint an apartment, I even made my family have a Thanksgiving meal on Halloween since we will not see them for a while. I know that my mom will nver forgive me for making her go to Walmart at midnight on the 31st to get 50% of Halloween items. I just am so glad that I got to spend time with MY family and with my mommy who I miss so much. I love you mom!

Our newest addition to our family!

Our newest addition is a puppy named Jackson! He is about a pound and is so cute. The story behind getting him is the funny part though. About a year ago, Karley's dog had puppies and she had one that was so cute but we still lived in the town home so we didn't get him. This weekend we were taking Karley home and she had mentioned that the dog had had puppies again.... So we convinced Jared that he also needed to take Karley home with us. He didn't understand why until he saw them 3 puppies and he knew he had been tricked. I looked @ all three and found ours to be my favorite. He is the runt so he will stay very small!! Jared said no and no and the well if you get rid of a cat I will let you have one. Then he finally gave in which Karley and I knew he would do. Funny how us girls are so smart AND tricky. Well here he is!

Cooking

If you are like me, you are still trying to get this cooking/baking thing down. I would just like to give a couple thanks to my Grandma Teri and my mom for always answering the phone when I call to ask what temperature or how long or whatever else I can rack there brains for. It's funny to me that moms cooking always tastes better than mine and that I can't seem to get certain recipes to taste like my grandma (which my husband is always willing to remind me!!) I have the motto that by the time my children are old enough to tell there friends about my cooking that it will be perfect! (Well I hope that is true!!) Anyway, just a look into my skills or the lack there of. If you are ever in town I will be happy to have you over for my latest concoction!! HE HE

If I wright it down maybe I can keep it out of my mind!

I wrote this months ago but I felt like it should be on my blog.

I feel that if I can just right this down somewhere that maybe I will be able to keep this out of my mind and that I will be able to move past it and think of only the good times.
(This is going to be an emotional one!) Sorry.

It started off as any other day would of I started off by getting Keaton dressed. I took off his night time diaper and pj's and got him cleaned up and ready to go for the day. I then preceded to check on Kaydence (I was surprised that she would sleep in so long) I walked in to her room pulled her covers back so that she would start to stir and then I went back in to the boys room to get Kaulin up. I was still surprised not to here miss thang calling for me so I went in and started to watch her sleep. I watched for her tummy to rise and to fall (as I often did and still do with my children.) I waited and waited I started to feel panic and then I thought it's just your eyes. I then put my hand on her back yanked her out of her bed and was mortified at what I saw. She was so white her lips were blue and looking back now I should have known she was gone but.... I yelled for Jared who was just starting out the door for work.
"She's not breathing!" "Jared she's not breathing!" he came running up stairs took her from me did a mouth sweep and was yelling wake up wake up he then took her down stairs while I ran to the phone to call 911 I started to tell the operator what was gong on . (By this time Kaley and Karley had woken up from the other room and had come into the hallway.) Jared called from down stairs to get in the van now I told the operator that I had to go or my husband was going to leave me I left Kaley on the phone with 911 and left the girls with the boys and ran to the van. Jared drove faster and crazier than imaginable. I gave Kaydence CPR the whole way to the hospital all while crying and telling Jared I didn't think it was working he would yell back just keep doing it. I remember praying and waiting for her to breath back but to no avail it was just my breath filling up her lungs.
When we got to the hospital they were waiting for us Jared ran her in and I parked the van. As I went in I then think that is when the shock started. They put her in a room hooked her up to so many things drilled this long rod into her leg and had like 10 people working on her. They were trying to rehydrate her. I remember the next was a blur I couldn't watch them work on her so I went to use the phone I called the girls to make sure they were OK they were crying but seemed OK and the boys were good too. My net move was to call my mom who was calm and just wanted to know what was going on I told her I would call them back. I went to check on Kaydence and Jared again (it had been like 20min.) Jared was wreck and Kaydence was still not responding. A little while longer a nurse started to approach me, I new what she was going to say as she started I told her I know that she is gone but.. I need to get my husband to OK you to stop working on her. I then went to Jared who just kept saying No they need to keep working on her I then got him to hear me saying through tears she is gone. Hunny she is gone. They then turned off all the machines people started to empty the room Jared was throwing up in the corner of the room and I started to feel really alone. Jared and I then went to the waiting room where we were greeted by the whole family boys and all. I remember thinking how much love I could feel from Jared's family and thinking wow. We were able to see her one last time I wanted to change her diaper but Jared insisted so we got her cleaned up and just held her and held crying and not really understanding . I remember asking Why us? Why my perfect little girl? Pauline then took me to her house where I remember just laying there. (Looking back I see now that I was just in shock. Which lasted 4 mon.) I called Sara and talked to my sister. My mom was on her way and throughout the next couple of days we got things ready for the funeral. I will tell you that it was a lovely funeral and she had so many flowers. The chapel smelled so good. Jared and I both gave talks (We felt that we should.) As we laid the daises on her casket it all hit me this is it.
I right this mainly to get it off my mind and to let all of you know that I love Kaydence so much she will always be apart of me and my soul. I know that she is happy now and now I just have to get my mind to believe that!

How time flys.

Wow, so today is my niece Krystal's birthday, and she is 16. How old does this make me feel you might ask, well I don't feel old I just don't understand where the time has gone. I remember pricking my finger on her safety pins while trying to change her diapers, and her throwing up in my face, taking baths together, floaties (there are more than I could possibly list) It has got me thinking though.....
How often do we let a day slip through our hands? I can often look back on my week and not have much to offer up for it. I keep telling myself that I will do better but yet here I am writing about it instead of acting on it. It's funny birthdays always make me think of how old people are getting around me. For instance, Kaulin is 6 and in the 1st grade. He has a desk and assignments, its crazy! Keaton is 3 and in February he will be 4 which is where Kaulin was not to long ago. Jared will be 33 when we met he was 25 we have been married for almost 5 years. Does anyone else find this odd? Time seems so slow and yet it really goes by so quick so unlike me I hope we all can learn to take our TIME more seriously.

My Heart

A strange new realization accord to me, the power of my heart. Over my life my heart has beat strong to its own tune. It has felt sorrow and faith, and excitement and exhaustion. I have came to be in tune with my heart letting it lead my life sometimes realizing that maybe my head should be aloud some say in my decisions too. I have always wondered how many people wonder about their hearts, and I can honestly say that I don't often wonder very often. Now don't get me wrong, my heart reminds me that it is there. For instance, When I decide that I'm going to overcome 10 pounds in one work out and it says, "HEY if you don't get a grip I'm gonna jump out of here and go on strike!"

I have felt like many, my heart full and about to burst from happiness and I have also felt it so full of sorrow that I think it might rip and not like one would experience pulling a band aid off but more like duck tape that has sat on your arm for most of the day and with each small pull the pain is antagonizing. Until this last week I didn't realize how wonderful it is when your heart can truly connect with another. As Jared and I talked all day Sunday and laughed and joked around I realized that my heart has truly found its connection. I never thought in my life that I would be able to find my other side someone who could love me for the bad and the good who could look at all my past and instead of judging just smile and hold me tighter. How I hate that I can be furious with him and that he can tell me some stupid joke and have me laughing and suddenly whatever I was angry about no longer matters. My heart has led me in my life and I have always followed..... I'm glad that sometimes your heart can win out your mind.

Just a thought!
Today I had the pleasure of hanging out with someone who is dear to my heart. This person knows who she is and that I love her. While I was with her and her family I began to help her around the house and then I began to re-arrange and to clean like a bandit. I began to ponder why I had done this, I have come to this conclusion....
It is easier for me to do what needs to be done for someone else than for myself. I look at my life and know that I've been doing it for a long time. It makes sense though, it's easier to give advise then to actually take it when it is given. It is easier to listen to people frustrations than to brodcast yours, and it is always easier look at the grass on the other side of the fence. Why is this? I feel that most women are alike and we all feel this way and at times act this way. I feel that because of these reasons it is so easy to get rapped up and to start to gossip and so on. I feel this is why there are clicks that are formed starting in Elementery and throught a womens life. I don't know how many women that I've got to know and they all say that they've never been able to be really close with girls due to the backstabbing and the drama. I thought then when I got older it would go away and that I would be able to move on and not veiw others to be below or above me, yet there are times that I find myself in that rivet trying to get out. Sometimes I can look at a women and I say to myself "Wow she must be rich or brillaint!" & so on and others I will cast down judgment. I ask you why is this that it feels like it will never change?

I can remember a time when I would sleep until noon and lounge until whenever. I miss those lazy days. Sometimes I feel as though it is never going to stop.
I have been so busy this past week with work and home it is starting to drive me crazy. I have just sent Jared off to an away soccer game, I have go go day tomorrow and on Sat. I have a work BBQ and then I have to give a talk at a baptism . I feel so busy sometimes that I just want to hide in the closet (with a pillow) until I have slept through it all. (I'm almost positive I'm overexagerating this a little!) But.... I just don't understand where all the time goes.

Last night Jared was away @ a soccer game, So the boys decided to sleep with me.(I don't mind it as much as my neck does!) When Kaulin and I got up this morning he was set of showing me drawings from his busy book. He then took me through his re-make of a Transformers action seen tank and all while he was doing so I got to thinking how big he really is getting. I then walked with him to school and and as I said my goodbye and to have a good day, I watched him walk away I noticed as he was wearing shorts and his Sketchers how much his little chicken legs stand out. He turned back twice once to wave and then to blow me a kiss. I wounder how long that will last. (Before it's gross mom....) I know I have at least this year maybe next. I think sometimes how I let my life get so busy that I don't stop to take that extra look and it makes me sad. I want to be able to burn in my memory his little cheesy grin and his giggle. Something I guess I will have to work on.



Another Kaulin moment....
Sunday at church was fast Sunday, for those of you who don't know what that means... On fast Sunday instead of listening to talks, people from the congregation are able to go up and bear their testimony. My boys love to go up so after Keaton said more of a prayer then a testimony it was Kaulin's turn. (This is our first Fast Sunday in our new ward) Kaulin begins with "I'd like to bear my testimony" then goes on to ask the congregation Who has been to the temple and to raise their hands if they have. As they raise their hands he continues on with how he got to go to Salt Lake and be sealed with his family for all eternity and how it is important for all to go he said other things and then ended. How precious my son is!!! He melts my heart and makes me think I must be doing something right.