My Heart

A strange new realization accord to me, the power of my heart. Over my life my heart has beat strong to its own tune. It has felt sorrow and faith, and excitement and exhaustion. I have came to be in tune with my heart letting it lead my life sometimes realizing that maybe my head should be aloud some say in my decisions too. I have always wondered how many people wonder about their hearts, and I can honestly say that I don't often wonder very often. Now don't get me wrong, my heart reminds me that it is there. For instance, When I decide that I'm going to overcome 10 pounds in one work out and it says, "HEY if you don't get a grip I'm gonna jump out of here and go on strike!"

I have felt like many, my heart full and about to burst from happiness and I have also felt it so full of sorrow that I think it might rip and not like one would experience pulling a band aid off but more like duck tape that has sat on your arm for most of the day and with each small pull the pain is antagonizing. Until this last week I didn't realize how wonderful it is when your heart can truly connect with another. As Jared and I talked all day Sunday and laughed and joked around I realized that my heart has truly found its connection. I never thought in my life that I would be able to find my other side someone who could love me for the bad and the good who could look at all my past and instead of judging just smile and hold me tighter. How I hate that I can be furious with him and that he can tell me some stupid joke and have me laughing and suddenly whatever I was angry about no longer matters. My heart has led me in my life and I have always followed..... I'm glad that sometimes your heart can win out your mind.

Just a thought!
Today I had the pleasure of hanging out with someone who is dear to my heart. This person knows who she is and that I love her. While I was with her and her family I began to help her around the house and then I began to re-arrange and to clean like a bandit. I began to ponder why I had done this, I have come to this conclusion....
It is easier for me to do what needs to be done for someone else than for myself. I look at my life and know that I've been doing it for a long time. It makes sense though, it's easier to give advise then to actually take it when it is given. It is easier to listen to people frustrations than to brodcast yours, and it is always easier look at the grass on the other side of the fence. Why is this? I feel that most women are alike and we all feel this way and at times act this way. I feel that because of these reasons it is so easy to get rapped up and to start to gossip and so on. I feel this is why there are clicks that are formed starting in Elementery and throught a womens life. I don't know how many women that I've got to know and they all say that they've never been able to be really close with girls due to the backstabbing and the drama. I thought then when I got older it would go away and that I would be able to move on and not veiw others to be below or above me, yet there are times that I find myself in that rivet trying to get out. Sometimes I can look at a women and I say to myself "Wow she must be rich or brillaint!" & so on and others I will cast down judgment. I ask you why is this that it feels like it will never change?

I can remember a time when I would sleep until noon and lounge until whenever. I miss those lazy days. Sometimes I feel as though it is never going to stop.
I have been so busy this past week with work and home it is starting to drive me crazy. I have just sent Jared off to an away soccer game, I have go go day tomorrow and on Sat. I have a work BBQ and then I have to give a talk at a baptism . I feel so busy sometimes that I just want to hide in the closet (with a pillow) until I have slept through it all. (I'm almost positive I'm overexagerating this a little!) But.... I just don't understand where all the time goes.

Last night Jared was away @ a soccer game, So the boys decided to sleep with me.(I don't mind it as much as my neck does!) When Kaulin and I got up this morning he was set of showing me drawings from his busy book. He then took me through his re-make of a Transformers action seen tank and all while he was doing so I got to thinking how big he really is getting. I then walked with him to school and and as I said my goodbye and to have a good day, I watched him walk away I noticed as he was wearing shorts and his Sketchers how much his little chicken legs stand out. He turned back twice once to wave and then to blow me a kiss. I wounder how long that will last. (Before it's gross mom....) I know I have at least this year maybe next. I think sometimes how I let my life get so busy that I don't stop to take that extra look and it makes me sad. I want to be able to burn in my memory his little cheesy grin and his giggle. Something I guess I will have to work on.



Another Kaulin moment....
Sunday at church was fast Sunday, for those of you who don't know what that means... On fast Sunday instead of listening to talks, people from the congregation are able to go up and bear their testimony. My boys love to go up so after Keaton said more of a prayer then a testimony it was Kaulin's turn. (This is our first Fast Sunday in our new ward) Kaulin begins with "I'd like to bear my testimony" then goes on to ask the congregation Who has been to the temple and to raise their hands if they have. As they raise their hands he continues on with how he got to go to Salt Lake and be sealed with his family for all eternity and how it is important for all to go he said other things and then ended. How precious my son is!!! He melts my heart and makes me think I must be doing something right.